Domestic Violence: Is It Ever Forgivable? Should I Leave?
TJ: “Today’s live is the most important live stream we have done here as it covers domestic violence. In this live we will cover a variety of topics when it comes to domestic violence but please note we are not licensed. There are therapists, doctors or any type of professional nevertheless we are humans and want to do our part in helping those that may need help and that is the purpose of this Life.
So for our family rulers who are used to seeing us live It will still be the same type of vibe where it will be an open discussion. There may be some laughs. There may be some sad parts, There may be a bunch of stuff but we are going to keep the focus on domestic violence and again the whole purpose of this is to help those who may be struggling with who may be suffering from it who may need to do something about it.
So first my name is TJ Jackson and that is my wife that is my this is my wife. When do you say that versus this. This is my wife. Why did I say that .”
Frances: “I don’t know.”
TJ: “Domestic violence this is a technical term. Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive controlling behaviour that can include physical abuse emotional or psychological abuse, sexual abuse or financial abuse. Which is using money and financial tools to exert control. Some abusers are able to exert complete control over victims. Every action without ever using violence or I’m only using subtle threats of violence.
All types of abuse are devastating to victims. Now Frances we did a poll. We need to scoot this over. We did a poll on our Instagram on our stories and asked people if psychological and emotional abuse could be considered domestic violence.
Frances: “Right.”
TJ: “I have to say i was a bit schocked by the response I didn’t expect so many people to consider it domestic violence. Let’s get it up. Hold on hold on hold on. Here we go. Okay there we go.I didn’t expect 92 percent of people and we though so people know there is about 250 people who responded. I didn’t expect 92 % to consider emotional and psychologial abuse as domestic violence. I thought it would be maybe 60 40. I don’t what’s your opinions on that?”
Frances: “i think that it’s changed over the years. I feel like 20 years ago those would not have been considered. I think the act of violence is what they were speaking about but that was years ago. A lot people have changed their mentality on kindness and violence and stuff like that a lot of people. And the newer generation too also i think contributes to that”
TJ: “I think another thing is I think it’s important because emotional psychological abuse is can be equally as dangerous and equally as terrible. And I think you are right Frances because truthfuly when if i was asked did i see emotional or psychological abuse as domestic violence. My answer probably would have been no. I would have thought it had to be physical abuse to be labeled as domestic violence. Again i don’t know if that is because I don’t really. I’ve never experienced domestic violence. I’ve never really encountered it or seen it in action so i’m not as in the know of it the only part i do know about domestic violence is my mother was murdered
almost 30 years ago because of domestic violence.”
Frances: “And that’s an extreme you know. That is an extreme situation as well”
TJ: “So by the way I should also mention that for anyone who wants to leave their comments please do so. We are going to continue to share on the live stream. Again our purpose is to help anyone out there who may need this help. So if you are new to our chanel don’t feel like you must respond or comment just sit back and hopefully learn from it and grow from it. Rafi says psychological abuse is even worse to recognize than physical one and the scar it leaves you is even deeper.
Frances: “It’s very true.”
TJ: “So Frances what is your opinion on. Here is another thing. We asked many people what would you tell your best friend if you feel they are suffering from domestic violence?
And we are going to get to those comments but I wanted to just throw that question out there so that maybe you guys could put it in the comments and again on the live chat and then we are going to share with those who may want to see it.
I just think that level of support is very very important for people to see because sometimes like everything when you are going through something you feel alone. You feel isolated and I think it’s very importanted for people to know that there is support out there.
We will continue to also scroll on the bottom some helpful things for you or for someone that you know who may be going through it for them to reach out for support. Clara says hello family I saw the title and I was one of those. I’m good now but those memories still stay with me. And I left for my kids. I know very well this please leave or get help for the kids”
Frances: “Absolutely. I think that especially if you have kids that’s the it’s causes so much trauma for the kids later in life. Being a product of domestic violence in many different ways. Just friends myself, my family, my sisters, my mom. It really leaves a scar but I feel like when you see it that much it also make you to where you’re like I’m not going to put up with that but some people it’s just they feel like it’s the norm. It’s like they saw it through their childhood so they feel like oh well this is normal. And it’s so not normal.”
TJ: “Yeah and I think a lot of times when people are considering what they should wo wether they should leave if they are in the situation often times i think we are not valuing what it does to the kids and how it can affect not only your kids but your kids kids and it can continue on so. That’s one thing i truly did love about the previous comment was saying how it can really don’t just do it for yourself do it for your kids.”
Frances: “Yes.”
TJ: “And i think that is an important important thing because as a parent myself and you could agree with this. We both want to always do the best for our kids. We want to set a great example fort hem. We want them to be good peope. Good citizen and happy people. And succesful people. And i think the best way to do that is to model that relationship to model that. To have that in your little community in your home. And if you are not able to safely say i have this in my home then that’s an issue. Yours Truly April say I think it’s best to just let the person know that you are there if they need you. But the worst thing you could do is just them.”
Frances: “That is very true April. I used to. I had a best friend when I was younger. And she dealth with that a lot and it made me so angry to where her her boyfriend and I actually got into it. And he threatened to like beat me with the belt. It was so awkward so weird but she wouldn’t leave me so I had to basically seperate myself because I gave her a safe place o come to. I said you can come with me anytime you are ready. Please just know that i’m here and I’m here to help you. It took her I want to say like two years, two years to finally leave him.
But that was after multiple stitches staples in her head it was realy realy bad but it made me so angry toward him. She finally did leave and she ended up actually coming to stay with me for a little while.”
TJ: “As a friend was there anything you thought you should have done different or at this age would have said I wish I would have done that.”
Frances: “I really think it’s up tot hat person no you. I think april is right you have to let them know that you are going to be them for them. I mean it made me so angry that he did this to a girl and not only that you guys, women can also cause domestic violence as well it’s not just men. So women can do it as well. “
TJ: “I’m happy you mentioned that Frances because I think there is obviously a lot of people assume that it’s a one way street where it’s just something that happens to women from men but like you said it happens the other way around. Statisticly I did some research you’re going to be happy with me about this.”
Frances: “I did so too.”
TJ: “Men can be victicms of domestic violence. Domestic violence is a pervasive life-threatening crime that affects millions of individuals accross the world regardless of age economic status race sexual orientation gender, identity, religion, abilty or educational level. According to data collected from 2003 to 2012 it’s quite old i mean we are in 2022 but.”
Frances: “Yeah.”
TJ: “At least we have some type of idea in the US 82 percent of domestic dating and sexual violence was committed against women and 18 percent against men. A 2012 study found that about four in five victims of domestic violence dating and sexual violence between 1994 and 2010 were women. So obviously there is a higher chance of the victim being a female or a woman but it does happen the other way around. FreedomTY this is a tough subject”